a few weeks ago, my son brought something home with him from camp. it was a virus… that one that’s going around.
we all got it. it looked a little different for each of us. and we’re all better now. i had a few rough days, and a few so-so days with pretty low energy, before i started feeling like myself again.
somewhere along the way, it occurred to me that this illness was creating the opportunity for a mini-cleanse of sorts. this gave me a good deal of ~ very welcome ~ grace and perspective throughout the process.
i had no desire to take in food for a few days. i lived on berries and coconut water. and there was a jar of fresh spearmint leaves in the kitchen from our last trip to the farmer’s market which i periodically ate from with tremendous satisfaction.
from there, i graduated to a small amount of rice and dal. and eventually some simple sautéd vegetables, and more rice. small amounts were all i required; all i desired.
it was definitely quality over quantity.
along the way, interestingly, i had the distinct sensation that my taste buds were getting smarter. i felt a total aversion to anything that wasn’t real, high-quality, vibrant tasting or fresh.
i let myself continue to be guided, by the natural intelligence of my organism, towards smarter choices, in the midst of being sick, and as i emerged. i listened. and the message was clear. smaller amounts of high-quality, vibrant and fresh foods were what my body wanted, and continues to want.
it doesn’t want bread, or lattes. it doesn’t want anything to do with flour or refined sugar.
which is a good thing, because, as you may know, sugar is like jet fuel for harmful bacteria. it throws off the balance of our microbiome. which is kind of important to pay attention to when you’re trying to keep your immune system happy, and functioning at its best.
i was also acutely aware, with the lack of appetite and that initial fever, that i was burning off some less-than-useful backlog. whatever wasn’t serving me went into the fire. my body was digesting stuff that it didn’t need to keep around.
brilliant.
when i regained some energy, i took the party into my living space. the impulse to clear that space of unneeded clutter and accumulation was real.
as above, so below. for me, covid inspired ~ and facilitated ~ a much needed space-clearing, both within and without.
so as a family, starting on july 1st, we collectively decided to embark on a 30 day decluttering project together.
day one: get rid of one thing. day two: get rid of two things. day three, three things, and so on. the potential for this practice to significantly transform our space is real. it’s fun to be doing it together, to see what each of us is coming up with to discard or pass along each day. it’s a study in momentum for sure. a positive snowball of decluttering.
right along with this significant lightening of my appetite was what felt like the longest break i’ve taken from being in the kitchen in years. my enthusiasm for cooking typically knows no bounds. with covid it seemed to have finally met its match. so that was interesting. i’m not sure i have ever been less inspired to cook as during my 5 days of covid ~ at least in recent memory.
really, what was inspiring was the cleaning out. the emptiness.
Ayurvedic wisdom always points back to the strength of our digestive fire as an indicator of our health.
the question goes from: “is this thing good or bad?” to: “do i have the proper level of fire to digest this right now?”
this applies to literally everything. bagels. smoothies. salad. news. social interactions. lasagne. even supplements. even medicine.
we live in a culture where the mainstream habits put a real damper on that fire. and the cost is real. undigested material transmutes into a kind of gunk that clogs our channels. pain and discomfort, lethargy, brain fog, and a general feeling of dis-ease ensues. what’s happening on the cellular level is that this undigested sludge is clouding our intelligence. creating confusion and isolation. this is a recipe for disaster. it’s the set-up, in fact, for chronic degenerative disease.
and the good news is that space is so often all we need to get that fire stoked, burn off residue, and restore our natural intelligence. sipping hot water throughout the day does wonders as well.
natural intelligence is reflected in many ways: in the turning of a plant towards the sun. the pathways of roots into the soil to seek out and pull in nutrients. in a balanced system, it is reflected in our cravings, and even our aversions.
cells have been shown to actively move towards that which is nourishing to them, and to shrink away from that which is toxic. their membranes reflect a phenomenal level of discernment called selective permeability, in which they naturally keep out what is not needed and let in whatever is.
so this pause from taking new material in gave me a quick boost to that digestive fire. i burned off what my system didn’t want to keep around. the natural intelligence of my organism up-leveled.
we can work pauses like this into the rhythm of our days, weeks, and year. we don’t need to wait until we’re sick to take a break. carrying around undigested material brings too great of a risk to our health and well-being not to create some intentional time out from ingesting. ultimately, it comes down to giving ourselves more space, on all the levels.
when i did return to the kitchen, i started with the absolute basics. my all-time staples. i made a batch of ghee and a big batch of vegetable broth.
and i found that the aversion to anything that lacked prana ~ or life force ~ persisted. my caffeine intake went down. the mere thought of sugar or flour left a very unappealing taste in my mouth.
at one point as i was still recovering, i have to admit that i found myself worrying temporarily about getting stuck in limbo ~ not super sick and not fully better. this brought back some highly charged memories of an experience 6 years prior in which i got extremely sick on a trip to visit my sister in france.
so sick that i went through a dozen boxes of tissues in the course of a week. not exaggerating. so sick that i was absolutely miserable for the entire 11 day trip. and so sick, in fact, that when i returned home, i stayed sick for another 5 weeks. i totally lost my sense of smell. i tried everything under the sun and then some. nothing seemed to work.
until i started tapping into some deep breath work and powerful visualizations. i literally had to create a sacred space within my lungs to get through that illness. i know that may sound highly improbable to you. but that was the turning point. i realized that there was some OLD crud stuck in there. ancient crud. ancestral crud. years of crud. and what it really needed was deep, healing breath. and a loving space. a space of love.
and i came to understand that there was no pill or tincture or potion i could take to create that. i had to give that to myself. i was, in fact, the only person who could provide that. no medicine could address this need. after that extraordinarily long bout, i actually felt better than i ever had. light as a feather. liberated. unimpeded. the cleanest vessel i could be. so that was pretty amazing.
but that was years ago. and it happened in a pretty particular context. a time in my life when i was struggling with a succession of illnesses, was super stressed out most of the time, and was generally not being kind to myself. i was, i see now, in need of something dramatic that would really get my attention.
in this sense, the mission was definitely accomplished. and the lesson learned. yet, part of me was clearly holding onto the struggles i felt during that time. and, to my chagrin, it all came right back up to the surface last week, mid-covid.
so after about 4 days of being sick, i found myself conjuring up fears of that stubborn illness and worrying that i was headed for some sort of reprise.
i actually witnessed myself starting to go down this path in my mind. becoming tempted to fall into the story of my own past. and in the end i realized the stakes were too high to mentally play this scenario out.
our thoughts are so powerful. our body is famous for not being able to tell the difference between “real life” and an imagined scenario. our biochemistry changes accordingly.
i recently read that as far as healing goes, pessimism is the number one state of mind to avoid. we don’t even need to embrace an optimistic mindset, we just have to avoid a pessimistic one if we are to have any chance of progress with our health. that’s a pretty powerful statement.
so i watched myself encounter that fear, that memory, and i watched myself navigate out of its grasp…
and i felt myself lighten in real time as i course-corrected to steer my way out of this trap. i didn’t get stuck in an epic illness limbo. it wasn’t a dramatic turnaround, but it was steady. i didn’t stagnate. i kept getting better.
it’s worth noting that getting covid wasn’t what brought this fear up in me. it was, in fact, a memory from a time before the pandemic that triggered that fear, four days into the illness. but i was able to find grace and compassion for that fear, and to recenter back into the present, where real healing was already taking place.
once again, my ability to step out of my own way proved to be the best gift i could give myself.
my sentiment, from first seeing that second line on my son’s covid test, was one of acceptance. of exercising my ability to choose how i reacted. choosing to remain calm when stresses arise is in fact one of the habits that i practice on the daily. it comes in pretty handy.
i acted to the best of my abilities, given what i know. and i leaned on the wisdom of those who have guided me in the past. i leaned on my supreme respect for the intelligence of our immune systems and the cumulative, protective impact of my daily practices to set the stage for resilience and healing where it is needed.
when life gives you an opportunity to significantly shake up your routines and habitual patterns of consumption in some way, you have a choice.
you can accept the invitation. let go of the habitual thinking and ask yourself what there is to learn here; how you can evolve your behavior to match the opportunity you’re being presented with in that moment. how you can move through this unexpected scenario with ease… and grow from it.
or you can resist the invitation. you can lament the fact that things aren’t going the way you want. you can attempt to go on auto-pilot, and stick with a default mode of operating/ thinking/ taking stuff in that’s more habitual. that may be more comfortable and “known,” but that doesn’t quite fit with what the moment is actually asking of you.
i suppose there’s a third option, in which you acquiesce to a temporary setback but return doggedly to your default activities as soon as possible. no reflection, no big takeaways; no transformation or evolution. no shift in your overall state.
i chose the first path.
the lovely Dr. Robert Svoboda says: “you retain your health only so long as you are willing to forgive your stresses, shrug off adversity, and adapt to new situations. resistance to change always impedes the workings of your immunity.” from his book Prakriti: Your Ayurvedic Constitution.
i believe willingness to reflect on how our habits are contributing to our reality, and a willingness to evolve our habits accordingly, is at the foundation of true health and vitality.
i understand that everyone is coming at this with their own system of beliefs, their own unique situations, and their own stories. this is just what i experienced, and the thoughts that i was inspired to share from that experience.
but no matter who you are, i’ve come to appreciate that tending to and strengthening our digestive fire is of tremendous benefit. embracing the notion that whatever comes our way, we can digest it. and through simple practices, building confidence and trust in our ability to navigate challenging terrain.
there’s so much we can do on the preventative side, easing the burdens on our system so that when something big comes into our field, we can respond appropriately.
we all have this fire, this power of digestion. we all have an innate intelligence that can provide powerful guidance, even when we feel lost. and we all have the ability to shift our habits in a way that supports a lightening of our load.
